Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
