Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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