You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
