Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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