apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize