my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
