in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
