This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
