I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
