I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
