am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
