Need sex. Gaining weight.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
