I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
