Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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