you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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