at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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