Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
