probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Randomize
