i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
