Where is the hickey?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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