You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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