no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
