I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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