Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
