The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
