I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You are the jesus of drinking
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
