you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
