Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
