why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
