I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
