The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
