He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize