Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
