I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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