My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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