So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
