If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize