He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
