It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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