Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
