Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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