Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
