i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
