I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
