her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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