she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
