I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
