I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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