he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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