he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
