Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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