He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
