I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize