she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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