I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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