your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
