You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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