How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
