She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I did not marry a roomba.
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