U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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