how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
