I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
my liver is dry heaving
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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