At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
