You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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