FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
