He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize