Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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