I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Don't make out with my wife yet
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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