I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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