I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
