i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
