Even water is tasting like jack daniels
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
