You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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