somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
