dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
