3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
