Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize