I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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