It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
