Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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