It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
