i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
