girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Ketchup is God's man juice
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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