What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
