You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
