i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
