my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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