Life is so much better after having sex.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
