I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
