you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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