i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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