I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
