i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
