Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
