just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
