Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Bring me that man meat
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
