I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
