he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
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