my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
