this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
