Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
