Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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