Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
