i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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