if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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